An ill-advised reaction to a pandemic (Part 3)

This is the 3rd Part of a continues piece and continues from Part 2.

I would say with some confidence that I’m an independent man and for the most part introverted. And quite proud of this. However, without doubt, our relationships with others and particularly loved ones is what makes life special. There is a lot to be said for silence, solitude and finding one’s own way but I also believe these moments are more like tools to make us appreciate our connections with others. They are a means to an end, not the end in itself. A joke or good story shared is so human and something most of us naturally crave.

I have enjoyed and do espouse solo travel but for different reasons than travel with others. Travel with others is much more enjoyable, shared experiences and someone to laugh with along the journey is largely what makes travel great. Solo travel, while still enjoyable is more about exploration.

Building and maintaining relationships is something I’ve struggled with. Perhaps because of my independent-side at times I’ve not prioritised them. However I’ve confirmed through experience that relationships do require effort and dedication and are important. I’ve experienced loneliness and know that there is no joy for me there. So I must make more of an effort to develop relationships.

I have one special relationship that means the world to me and brings me the biggest amount of joy in my life – that is with my beautiful wife of course. I cherish it and in some shape or form she will always be at the top of my list. But as I was considering what was most important to me and what it was that I had to prioritise I realised that I could do better than focus on a single relationship. If one relationship can give me so much I should focus on developing all my relationships with loved ones. 

Mostly, this focus requires time and energy. Energy to ensure that the time invested is of the quality that they deserve from me and that I want to give to them.

Flexibility

To achieve all of the above is going to be difficult with the hours available in a day. And unless one is dogmatic and sets a strict schedule it’s arguably impossible. Therefore an important factor to happiness shall be the flexibility to attend to the things that matter in a natural cycle. That is to have flexibility. It certainly doesn’t mean that a level of discipline won’t be required as well but it means you don’t have to try to be a damn saint all of the time either. The devil inside needs a little bit of love too. We aren’t robots after all. Yet ;). 

Flexibility is not just about time. Flexibility is also about choice. We all appreciate choice and simply this is the ability to say yes or no without unnecessary fear or burden. And while discussing the life one wants to lead, versus leave behind, the flexibility to make choices that lead to a fulfilling life will be key. It will require a guide and it will require clear thinking not burdened by major concerns for my or my loved ones wellbeing. It will also require a healthy measure of fear. And an equal measure of courage to conquer those fears.

A key aspect that allows flexibility is financial health. Having the funds to live with an appropriate level of comfort and certainty. This is quite subjective and when in a relationship also requires common understanding. While I might consider a shack in a mountain with some freshly caught beast roasting on a fire an appropriate level of comfort, I must also consider what is comfortable to my wife. This, for us and I’m sure most couples, does require a small amount of compromise however a key to us being in a happy and successful partnership long-term will be finding a happy balance and our shared values and beliefs. I believe our fundamental values are compatible and life would be challenging long-term without that being the case. But again, some compromise is necessary and this requires respectful discussion and understanding to build foundations of comfort and lifestyle. To this end sharing hopes and dreams is a good start in understanding what one values and is looking for out of life. This is something we need to keep doing as we move through life because they are foundations and what is built on top can and should change over the years.